Do you find it tricky to shift from work mode into ‘mum mode’?
Finding yourself feeling frustrated with the same parenting challenges and conflicts coming up day after day? As a conscious, heart centred woman, parenting should just flow… right? So why is it not working?!
I can almost guarantee that the issue you’re overlooking is emotional and the good news is, I can help you with that!
First of all, we need to talk about how bottled up emotions effect your child’s behaviour, where they come from and how you can create more ease and flow.
Emotions are a natural part of being human. We all experience emotions everyday, this is how we interpret the world around us. What is not natural is the way we’ve been conditioned to suppress those more painful emotions like frustration, anger, sadness, disappointment etc.
Just think of some the normal responses to children’s angry or upset feelings:
– Distracting: Shh don’t cry, have a cookie, look at this on my phone, let’s bounce the ball instead
– Shaming: that’s nothing to cry about, boys don’t cry, don’t be a baby etc
– Punishing/ threatening: if you don’t stop crying you can go to your room
It’s completely normalised for emotions to be suppressed from a very young age and it’s tricky in the beginning to break free from this conditioning.
Here’s why it’s important for you to persist though…
When your child suppresses emotions, they don’t just go away. That energy will keep building up and accumulating under the surface. Consider how you feel and behave when you’re worried or angry about something… possibly distracted, impatient, tense, agitated?
Not surprisingly, its exactly the same for your kids!
Think about all the things that happen on daily basis…
– Maybe they’re really frustrated that they couldn’t tie their shoes.
– Maybe they’re disappointed because you said they could go to the park and now it’s raining.
– Maybe they’re angry because their brother or sister broke their toy.
– Maybe they really wanted pancakes for breakfast and are disappointed that you made porridge.
When all these things keep getting bottled up instead of processed it causes your child to feel tense, agitated, distracted, impatient etc
When they feel this way you’ll notice more behaviours coming up like…
– attention seeking
– not wanting to cooperate
– finding it hard to sit still,
-finding it hard to relax for sleep
-waking multiple times per night
-lashing out at you or other kids
… does this sound familiar? It can make ‘mum mode’ really hard!
It’s important for you to practise being present with your child’s upset feelings and tantrums when they come up rather than distracting them so that they stop accumulating more and more (which contributes to more and more challenging behaviours!)
In my experience, more connection ALWAYS, ALWAYS helps.
So if things are not flowing the way you’d like them to be ask yourself, ‘how can I create more connection in this situation?’ whether that’s through play, laughter, cuddles or holding space for tears. It could involve getting down to your child’s level, eye contact or gentle touch.
It could be offering piggy back to the bathroom for reluctant tooth brusher!
It could be taking 10 minutes to read a story, cuddle and give your full attention to a clingy child after daycare,
It could be saying ‘No’ to pizza for dinner AND empathising with any upset feelings about that,
Creating connection means you are far more likely to respond lovingly and your child will feel safer, more relaxed, present… and that means more calm and cooperation for all!
Recently I was talking to one of my clients about how she could use incorporate more connection and play as a strategy to encourage cooperation. I was sharing some of my play ideas with her.
“Its easy for you Belinda, you have 20 years experience working with kids! I can’t think of games like that when I’m under stress.” she said.
(Sidenote: this is why I prefer to work with people over a length of time so that you can share with me your challenges as they come up and I can leave you with a bank of games/ play ideas to draw from in times of stress)
For now though, if you’d like to share one of your challenges with me, I’d love to give you some connection/ play inspiration to match! Get in touch below and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible xo