“Pain travels through families until someone is ready to feel it.” ~ Stephi Wagner
By far, the most common challenge I hear from parents is their children’s behaviour; things like tantrums, not listening or fighting with siblings.
What if I were to tell you that all of these behaviours are symptoms of something else?
Minimising these symptoms means untangling and unlearning your cultural conditioning.
Underneath these symptoms are a build up of unexpressed feelings. It means retraining yourself to listen to your children’s feelings instead of distracting them. This takes time, patience and compassion.
But the benefits are HUGE.
Yourself: you become acutely aware of why you respond the way you do, why you have those particular habits or patterns and what these have to do with your feelings.
Your children: your children come back to their natural, relaxed, loving state and you develop deeper more connected relationships.
+ the ripple effect in to the world around you!
Becoming aware of my unconscious patterns and responses has played such a huge part in my motherhood journey.
For the first year of my son’s life I spent a lot of time distracting him from painful and uncomfortable feelings through things like breast feeding and rocking.
And although distracting him from his feelings seemed like the kindest and most helpful thing to do… what I came to realise was that I wasn’t actually solving the problem.
What I was doing was helping him learn to push his feelings down and creating patterns where every time he had some painful or uncomfortable feelings he would want to be breast fed or picked up.
The more the feelings built up, the more he seemed to need these things.
And the more challenging behaviours seemed to come bubbling up (sleep issues like waking multiple times per night and taking a long time to fall asleep and aggressive behaviours like biting and pinching).
As I became more aware of my own unconscious patterns and responses to feelings I could clearly see how my son was learning to repress his feelings from ME and I began working towards breaking free of those patterns we’d both acquired, so that we could spend more time feeling connected to our true feelings and loving nature.
Children experiences a range of feelings everyday, right from birth. Things like powerlessness, overwhelm, fear, frustration, disappointment, sadness… just like us.
No matter how consciously we parent, we can’t possibly prevent our children from experiencing these feelings.
The trouble is, *most* of us have been taught or shown that it’s not safe to express with others or even feel ourselves our painful or uncomfortable feelings from a very young age. We’ve learnt to numb, avoid and push them down instead.
But when we repress our feelings, they don’t just go away and what tends to happen is that we develop unhealthy patterns to cover them up.
🍷 drugs/ alcohol
Can you think of any others???
And unconsciously, we pass these patterns on to our children.
Just say you eat when you’re upset…
Think back to how your parents responded when you were upset as a child…
Perhaps they thought you were hungry and offered food or distracted you with something sweet….
And now think about how you respond when your children are upset…
Does it feel very natural for you to offer food or milk to comfort them?
Can you see how these patterns can be passed down through generations, numbing and covering up pain?
That is… until someone comes along who is ready to actually look at what’s going on and consciously make different choices so that we can heal, break the patterns and transform the way we are raising our children.
Would you like to know more?
This is where my work can come in to support you!
You can start learning about the ways we (and our children) repress our feelings and choose to respond differently for free on my Facebook page where I welcome any questions you might have.
Or you can download my online workshop.
BONUS 4 weeks of private Facebook Messnger access (from date of purchase). to deeply listen and hold space for you during this integration, as you untangle and unlearn your own cultural conditioning and help you work through your individual challenges.
PLUS 30 minute recorded audio + 30 page ebooklet
1) What happens when we push our feelings down?
2) How we develop unconscious patterns in the first place and examples of these for both children and adults
3) Identifying your own unconscious patterns
4) Identifying patterns within your family
5) How these patterns contribute to more challenging behaviours such as aggression and sleep issues with our children
6) How to transform our unconscious patterns and responses
Upon purchase you’ll receive the workshop directly in your inbox. Get started straight away for just $45
I’m looking forward to connecting further with you,
B.Ed (Early Childhood)